Letter to Louise Kautsky, November 9, 1890

ENGELS TO LOUISE KAUTSKY

IN VIENNA

[London, 9 November 1890]

...What I have been through these many days, how terribly bleak and desolate life has seemed and still seems to me, I need not tell you. And then came the question — what now? Whereupon, my dear Louise, an image, alive and comforting, appeared before my eyes, to remain there night and day, and that image was you. Then, like Nimmy, I said: 'Oh, if only I could have Louise here!' But I didn't dare to think that it might come true....No matter what happens, I should not have had a moment's peace had I not put this question to you first of all and straight away... Whoever keeps house for me will have to conform to local customs whereby a lady may not under- take any MANUAL SERVICES. This might even be forced upon me, and I should most certainly be compelled to have recourse to someone who was not a member of our party... So all you would have to do is supervise things, and the rest of the time you'd be free to do anything you liked...

In that case we could talk over the whole matter here and either re- main together as good friends or part company as good friends. Well, it's for you to decide. Think the matter over, discuss it with Adler.^[1] If, as I fear, this day-dream of mine cannot be realised, or if you should think that the drawbacks and vexations would, so far as you are con- cerned, outweigh the advantages and pleasures, then let me know without beating about the bush. I am far too fond of you to want you to make sacrifices for my sake... And for that very reason I would beg you not to make any such sacrifice and would request Adler through you to advise you against so doing. You are young and have a splen- did future in store. In three weeks' time I shall be seventy and have only a short while left to live. A young and hopeful existence ought not to be sacrificed to those few remaining years. For after all, I am still strong enough to make shift for myself...

With undying love